Even the Gaffes are Bigger in Texas

We here at Um are pleased to announce that we will, sum’bouts December (with luck), be relocating our offices to one of the, uh, more fire-y places in these United States. When we do, you can look forward to more in the way of folksy contractions and–if yr good–more stories like those that yr about [...]

What’s More Depressing Than No Fort Reno?

Not recognizing a single band on this year’s schedule (except for, you know, Kid Congo Powers). This, dear readers is not a comment on Fort Reno’s ability to book bands. Rather, it’s a critique of our own ability to keep up with things in our former hometown.
Sigh…

Eight Pounds Three Ounces .29 Blood-Alcohol Level

Dear Readers. Loyal readers. Awesome readers.
Today I bring you a gift.
Enjoy.

Jefferson, Lewis, Clark, and Some Duder Called Moncacht-Ape

We here at Um are still suffering through a heat wave. What does this mean for you, loyal readers?
A HISTORY LESSON!
So. Way back in the very early 1800s, Merriweather Lewis and William Clark found themselves charged with the duty of being the first representatives of the United States government to cross the continent that had [...]

My Pits Stink Almost as Bad as This Blog Entry

Okay. So there’s like, totally, a smart, witty, awesome Um column to be written about Hugo Chavez’ flip-flop to end all flip-flops. And one day, maybe this week, our editorial staff will get to it.
But not today.
Nope. It’s too goddamn hot. And we don’t like to think when it’s too goddamn hot. So instead we’ll [...]

Best. Sports Page. Ever.

When our favorite baseball team won its first championship, we screamed.
We cried.
We framed the front pages of both major Boston dailies. And we still get goosebumps when we look up at the walls of our office.
Still, even the unadulterated joy echoed and evoked by those things can’t approach the all-around amazingness of this. I mean, [...]

Please. No More With This Hillary Shit…

The editorial board here at Um was absotively positutely thrilled when we found out that the Clinton machine was maybe, probably, kind-of gonna shut the fuck up about making Billary president in 2008. Still, having had an enlightening phone consultation with one of our political experts (while watching the intolerable Harold Ickes do his prick-y [...]

Chertoff: Eff You Doable Economic Stimulus!

National economies are pretty tough to control. Need proof? Check these fellers out: Despite the fact that they dictated nearly every aspect of commerce, they still managed (okay, with a little help from their friends) to run their country into the ground.
To be fair–you know, like objective and shit–our system isn’t all that much better: [...]

Um: Now What?

Loyal Readers:
The editorial staff here at Um finds itself stymied.
Here’s the thing: For the past few months, we’ve been able to revel in the pressure of a busy semester; taking our time to post about only the best of what’s grabbed our attention. Now unburdened, we find ourselves missing the luxury of not having to [...]