Um: Trying to Get Our Shit Together

The editorial staff here at Um thinks it’s the warm Texas weather. At least, that’s the best we can offer by way of explaining our lack of promised BLITZKRIEG.

Anyway. Until we actually do get our shit together, we’d like to offer you a peek at what’s been (sort of) paying the bills. Which is to say that below, you’ll find links to a couple of recently published freelance pieces. Enjoy!

Criterion’s version of Lars vn Trier’s Europa

Bryan Burroughs’ The Big Rich

With any luck, we’ll have more of these for you soon–and maybe a few fresh Um posts to go with ’em.

Don’t Fuck Up

The ever-slacking editorial staff here at Um would like to urge those of you that live in Boston to go see this on Friday night.

Seriously. Don’t fuck up.

Our friends at the Washington City Paper offer you this preview of the version of the show that’s happening in D.C.

Seriously?

Don’t fuck up.

Boo Shitty Band Map, Hooray Return of Um!

Hi there. We here at Um are totally sorry for our recent erratic posting. And we promise that, as soon as we can, we’ll return to regularly entertaining you with our wit and charm and whathaveyou. But for now, irregular doses of our brilliance will have to suffice.

And that brings us to this:

Good idea, right? Like, geography plays a ginormous role in defining some music scenes–and what better way to illustrate this than with a GIANT INTERACTIVE MAP? Trouble is that the folks who put this thing together decided to go for superlatives (best band, best solo artist, best up-and-comer) rather than attempt any kind of in-depth study. The result? A totally half-assed effort that misses big swathes (say LA Punk, Olympia Riot Grrl, Chicago Blues…and the motherfucking Butthole Surfers) of way important musical history.

Worse, everything on here is so effin’ predictable that it leaves the editorial staff here at Um a-wondering if the thing really serves any purpose at all.

We here at Um realize that doing a comprehensive version of this would have been a pretty hefty task. But we feel like it woulda been worth it; as is, this thing is…well, you know.

What’s More Depressing Than No Fort Reno?

Not recognizing a single band on this year’s schedule (except for, you know, Kid Congo Powers). This, dear readers is not a comment on Fort Reno’s ability to book bands. Rather, it’s a critique of our own ability to keep up with things in our former hometown.

Sigh…

Sok It To Me

We here at Um are ginormous fans of the Ex. Mostly this is thanks to the fact that the band’s discography is just about as varied, interesting, and generally awesome as it is nearly inexhaustible. But it helps that the political views of its members seem to go right along with those of our editorial board.

So this morning we offer you a link to this Pitchfork interview with head Exman G.W. Sok. To muddy the occasional predictability contained therein, we’d like you to ponder the following: As you’ll see in that interview, Sok’s command of English is fairly impressive. That skill extends, as all of you Ex fans out there can attest, to the band’s lyrics–which are, for the most part, delivered in said language despite the fact that most of the band (including Sok) are natives of Holland. This, to us, reads like an interesting contradiction for a band that likes to write about the craziness of globalization.

Anyway. We here at Um once had a pretty awesome conversation with a pal about why rockers whose native language is not English feel the need to sing (or scream) using that tongue. Maybe you’ll feel the same way?

Chewing On Grass at Fort Reno? Turns Out That Wasn’t Such a Good Idea

Hey you out there! You looking for something moderately depressing? The kind of thing that sticks with ya as a nagging sort-of bummer that, sure, doesn’t mean much in the scheme of things, but still totally fucking sucks?

Well, here ya go. According to the Washington Post‘s Going Out Gurus, “Fort Reno Park, the site of an annual summer concert series that is one of D.C.’s most beloved and longest-running outdoor events, is closed immediately and indefinitely after United States Geological Survey satellite imaging reports found high levels of arsenic in the soil.”

Ugh.

The worst part about this mess is that, at least as far as the reason for shutting down Fort Reno is concerned, ya can’t pin the blame on typical D.C. government ineptitude. ‘Course the fact that they’ve only just now figured all this out is a little disturbing.

Anyway, if yr interested, the Fort Reno crew is doing its annual fund raising thing, and sort of implying that the shows will go on. Hit ’em up here.

Win Like a Pirate Day?

Oh various recording industry interests groups, why must you be such giant penises? Do you not know that all of this greedy suing of 12-year-olds is bad for your karma?

Yeah, that’s a big no.

This morning brings word (courtesy of the BBC and something called PC World) that a mini-backlash might be a-brewin’: According to our friends across the pond (I quote big here ’cause it’s worth it), “The head of one of Britain’s biggest internet providers has criticised the music industry for demanding that he act against pirates. The trade body for UK music, the BPI, asked internet service providers to disconnect people who ignore requests to stop sharing music. But Charles Dunstone of Carphone Warehouse, which runs the TalkTalk broadband service, is refusing. He said it is not his job to be an internet policeman.” Well…holla!

In even more encouraging news, a U.S. District Court stymied (we here at Um endorse that word) an RIAA effort to sue four Boston-area University students by refusing to force their institution to hand over their names. Well…holla!

That last victory may be a bit provisional (the court is still reviewing the case) and the first one is more of a moral thing. But whatever. Anything the gives pause to these ridiculous motherfuckers rules.

Angels of Mercy?

We here at Um are not the biggest Stones fans. Indeed, we would have been quite happy had the members of that band spared the world repeated and prolonged exposure to both their aging mugs and stagnated musical sensibilities. (‘Bout anytime after Let it Bleed would have been  good.) And though Keith Richards could easily have puked his way to Hendrixville, fans will remember that the death of Brian Jones wasn’t enough to stop the Rolling juggernaut.

Nope–Bon Scott aside–about the only thing that was gonna spare the world some “Miss You,” was the passing of Mick Jagger.

Funny thing is that this might-have-maybe-almost-for-real happened: According to a report posted on the Guardian‘s web site (in advance of “a BBC Radio 4 documentary”), those Hell’s Angels–fresh, you’ll remember from a disastrous stint as the Stones’ security detail–apparently came awfully close to leaving their former employers without a frontman. What stopped the would be assassination? Uh…rough seas. From the Guardian:

“The gang decided to attack the singer at his holiday home in Long Island, New York, the BBC claims, and to approach by sea.

Unfortunately for them – and fortunately for rock’n’roll, – the weather was having none of it. ‘The boat was hit by a storm and all of the men were thrown overboard,’ [BBC presenter Tom] Mangold said. The gang-members survived but opted not to give it a second go.”

…and thus the world is granted Tattoo You. Sigh…

Sunday Preview

Consider this a reminder. For folks planning to come out, peep this video of Food For Animals and Mi Ami courtesy of the Washington City Paper…

Karaoke and Copyright Law

I’m not a fan of Karaoke. I mean, I’ve experienced the horror of Jimmy Buffet‘s “Margaritaville,” why the fuck would I want to subject myself to yours?

Still, this sucks. For those of you who aren’t of the mood to click, that there link leads to a story about the end of Karaoke at Arlington, Va.’s wonderfully-cramped Galaxy Hut. That event, according to the Washington City Paper‘s Angela Valdez, was brought on by a visit from an industry spy who demanded back-royalty payments and threatened future legal action if the show went on. “Hoffman wouldn’t specify which agency came a-knocking,” says Valdez, “or just how much money they demanded. He did say the sum would eclipse any extra revenue he earns with the attraction of yodeling for a crowd of intoxicated strangers.”

Are you fucking serious?

We here at Um would like to think that maybe this secret agent was really an impostor using the RIAA-angle to keep his or her ears from bleeding. If not, we’d like to speculate that maybe the responsible parties might just be the motherfucking scum of the earth.